Taking Offense (Or NOT)

 How quick are you to take offense? 

Do you explode in fits of anger? 

 Do you make mountains out of molehills? 

 Do you take things the wrong way? 

 Do you cause others to walk on eggshells? 

 Are you high maintenance? 

The main person we can change is ourselves.  Let go of erroneous expectations that get in the way.

Trying not to take offense is like trying to NOT think about elephants. 

 If someone says don’t think about elephants, we automatically think about them.  If we focus on trying not to take offense, we will keep thinking about the offense.  

This principle applies to just about any sin.  When we focus on a behavior, even in an attempt to eliminate it, the result is more of that behavior.  (Natural Law #8)

When we take offense, it is because someone has hurt or frightened us. 

 God has given us two ways to deal with offenses. 

 First, by remembering the other person has things that hurt and frighten him.  When we love the offender and focus on his needs, we will no longer notice the offense. 

 Second, when we belong to Christ, we are secure in Him.  We do not need to react and defend ourselves because he has promised to defend us.  We need to pray for the strength to trust and believe in Him and know that He will answer.

“Learn to be flexible like bamboo and just go with the flow to keep from being overwhelmed.”

“It’s your expectations, not other people, that offend you.”

“What other people do is not your responsibility.”

“Don’t expect anything from anyone.  Just set expectations for yourself.”

“Don’t look for things for offense when there isn’t any, nor look for bad intentions when there are none.”

“Look to our Savior Jesus Christ to teach you how to heal your wounds…”

    Too many rely on others approval.  When the ego feels threatened, it can’t help but fight back or put energy in to mounting the best rational defense you’re capable of. 

 In reality, why do we do this?  What are we so afraid of? 

 “Expectations inside of us that teaches us that way.” 

PRIDE is one of the biggest reasons.  

We feel condescended, humiliated, criticized, blamed, put down, rejected, useless, ignored, dismissed, inconsequential,  ridiculed,  disrespected,  judged, controlled, pushed and pressured, not understood, and micro-managed. And oh, that person used the wrong tone of voice even if what he said was nice.  

 The more vulnerable you are—to having your Offended Buttons pushed, the more internal resources you’ll need to safeguard yourself. 

 Even if someone does these things, what do you do about it? 

  Let it not affect you?  It may be true. 

 Listen to people respectfully, then go to the Savior to see if it may be true and what to do to overcome it.

Taking offense is a choice.

SUGGESTIONS~~~~~~

1.  Suspend judgment about others malignant intent.  If you harbor negative self-bias, you’re likely to project that onto how others perceive you.  Ask why you’re feeling so put upon.
2. Give the benefit of doubt.  Unless person has clearly insulted, the purpose may be far more benign than you’re giving credit for.
3. Ask if your response is inflated.
4. Can a negative assessment be constructive? When faced with criticism, alter your focus and think about whether the negative feedback can help you grow.
5. Your re-activity may be tied to self-absorption. (Pride)
6. Breathe, relax, emotionally detach from full provocation.  Focus on your own feelings and how to heal them.
7. Meditate, cultivate calming techniques, visualizations and imagery.
8. Ask whether you have been the first offender. Sometimes you need to apologize.
9. Look for things that could offend and dismiss them.   
10. Change expectations of others (and yourself).  If they’re intoxicated (drugs, fumes, etc.) or in a bad mood or irritable frame of mind, in pain or suffering from an illness, witness it at a distance rather than let it affect you personally.   Most often, it is the person’s issue and it usually doesn’t do any good to point this out. Pray and ask what to do. 
11.   When creating your inner shields, ask that shielding include shielding from negative emotions precipitated by accusatory words.  These can even come from your friends and family.