In late 2005, my life coach helped me to communicate with my deceased mom through the veil (among many other things.) I imagined what my mom looked like and what she said. It was telepathic communication. Many things were discussed. My mom was glad we spent time with Brad my youngest brother, and didn’t want us to give up on him. (Shortly after that, Brad passed away from the effects of drugs and alcohol.) In 1968 my dad left his family the day beforeThanksgiving to move in with his girlfriend. He had been having affairs for some time. My mom never forgave my dad in mortal life, even when he asked for forgiveness. She said "I CAN"T forgive him. He ruined my life." Now, 5 years after her death, she told me she now saw the “big picture.” She advised me to be the conduit to go to Earl, who was still alive and tell him..that she had now forgiven him. It was such a challenge out of my comfort zone, but I did it. He was pretty much speechless, but after that he made an effort to be involved in our lives and grand children’s. He passed away 5 years later.
So… WHY is forgiveness important?
“Forgiveness DOES allow the atonement to take effect. It is required so we can heal spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.”
Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15).
The Lord has stated that we are “to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord.” (D&C 64:9)
…most of our problems involve us not forgiving others of their trespasses. …For example, a woman had a baby that continually spit up her milk. The woman was asked if she had gotten angry at anyone during her pregnancy. She indicated that she had, but had forgiven the individual. She was asked if she felt that she had been spit upon by the other person. She said that indeed she felt that way. When she forgave the other person completely, her infant quit spitting up its milk. Amazing what true forgiveness will accomplish.
Non-forgiveness makes it so we can’t be cleared completely of our problems and allows them to come back.
If we believed in Christ enough to live as He taught, our families would heal, our communities would heal, our nations would heal, and the world would heal. …You can’t be forgiven by the Father if you do not forgive others. It can’t be done. That grudge you harbor prevents the Father from forgiving you. Those resentments you think are justified are keeping you from being forgiven by the Father.
“I have given you a former commandment that I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men…I have taught that if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive your trespasses.... If men intend no offense, I take no offense, but if they are taught and should have obeyed, then I reprove and correct, and forgive and forget.
God is the only one who judges correctly.
We must make intercession on behalf of others, even our enemies, if we are to have a hope in Christ. … Much of that “sin” in each of our lives has been the offenses against us, and the resentment and anger we hold from these abuses. There are people who have done you wrong. There are some who did so intentionally. When you forgive them, and plead on their behalf for the Lord to also forgive them in sincerity and love, you are not far from the Kingdom of Heaven. Your Lord did this. You must do as He did to be like Him. It is the only way to understand your Lord. In this, you must suffer as He did, choosing to forgive offenses rather than to seek justice. When you show mercy, you merit mercy. The beginning of repentance is found in forgiving others.
HOW do we do it?
Forgiveness does not mean giving up on what you believe is right Do not condone destructive actions. At times, you must act to prevent the offense from occurring again or worsening. Sometimes you must repair a degenerating condition or inform an offender of the hurtful actions.… Revenge will not restore peace. Forgiveness is a specific neurological, spiritual state. It is not saying that what happened is ok—that the bad things are ok. Nor is it necessary to tell the person who wronged you that you forgive them. Forgiveness is about you turning off an automatic fear and anxiety response to something. Letting go of a grudge so it no longer triggers you. Being non-reactive.
Prayer is the best beginning. Love is the power that carries it through.
Forgiveness is a choice. ... "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving," wrote Neil Anderson. "You will never get there. If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete." We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God.”
When the Bible tells us that Christ came to "redeem mankind" it offers a whole lot more than forgiveness. To simply forgive a broken man is like telling someone running a marathon, "It's okay that you've broken your leg. I won't hold that against you. Now finish the race." That would be cruel, to leave him disabled that way. No, there is much more to our redemption.
Take Christ at his word. Ask him in to heal all the broken places within you and unite them into one whole and healed heart. Ask him to release you from all bondage and captivity, as he promised to do. But you can't do this at a distance; you can't ask Christ to come into your wound while you remain far from it. You have to go there with him.
Repentance and asking forgiveness is vital in order to sever the negative attachment between parties. Perhaps the best way to get rid of negative cords is to forgive the other person and ask for forgiveness for ourselves.
Then go to the Lord in prayer and tell Him what you have done, that you have asked for forgiveness for your trespasses and forgiven them of theirs, after which you ask Him to cut the negative cord that existed between you and the other person. In addition forgiving others He has told us:
“But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.” (3 Nephi 12:44)
If we do more than just forgive those that hate and despise us, if we love, bless, do good, and pray for them, the cords will not bind us or exist between us. Those that try to attach them will not be able to do so. We will be protected in Christ.
“You can’t get what you haven’t given. If you don’t give mercy, you don’t get mercy. If you don’t give forgiveness you can’t get forgiveness. So many of us simply won’t forgive. We claim we can’t, the offense is so great. It seems as if we overlook this teaching of our Savior. If we don’t forgive—He can’t. …Though, not only did He forgive His perpetrators, in the Garden. He atoned for what they did!
“He [the Lord] made known unto him that the waves of torment- suffered by the lord came in pairs which mirrored each other. The first of each wave poured upon the Lord those feelings, regrets, recriminations and pains felt by those who injured their fellow man. Then followed a second wave, which mirrored the first, but imposed the pains suffered by the victims of the acts committed by those in the first wave. Instead of the pains of those who inflict hurt or harm, it was now the anger, bitterness and resentments felt by those who suffered these wrongs.
… The victim, however, always feels it is their right to hold resentment, to judge their persecutor, and to withhold peace and love for their fellow men. The Lord was required to overcome both so that He could succor both.”
We must develop love for those who persecute us, or despitefully use and abuse us to reach what Christ taught. He really meant it. And He really wants us to get there. When we do, we find ourselves standing on holy ground. For that ground was sanctified by His own blood, shed in His own sacrifice. When you hear His words echoing in your own voice, “forgive them for they know not what they do,” then you will begin to see the Master in the mirror. …
…You should not surrender your agency to the opinions of others. It is just fine if you are misunderstood and viewed harshly. It is almost the ideal if people speak about you falsely and misunderstand your true intentions. You are most closely following Him when you suffer under these burdens. He told you: “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. …If you are going to do it right, persecution is part of the package. You get to be understood by Heaven, but misunderstood by your fellowman. …You will find yourself, as you lose your good name and reputation among men. … be tolerant, forgiving and patient… This will free you to find joy. For when you are given offenses, but return good for bad, you grow into something bigger and better. You get to know Him.
So again….HOW????? Everything is connected to relationships.
Some are healthy, some are not. Forgiveness is the key to success in all areas. It is important to keep the spirit clean.
Kirk Duncan was seeking answers to about repentance and atonement, really trying to understand. He was fighting in business against the same walls. “I don’t GET it.””How does this work?” “I don’t understand it.”
Kirk was pondering on repentance. He Decided to kneel down and ASK. Some Voices came into his head calling him “Lost” and “loser”. (The other voices love to direct you off the right path. Kirk calls the adversarial voices “dot people”.)
He wanted to understand what the Savior did for him. “I got plenty of time…teach me.” Kirk started to cry with lots of emotion then paused. He heard a new voice. “Okay, I’ll teach you.”
A voice inside his mind said, “Look out there. Look inside your mind.” He saw a light in the distance. “Look at the light”. It was the figure of a man—He recognized him as the Savior.
Kirk felt so guilty, not worthy, yucky and dirty. Finally the want to clean up was greater than the guilt. He was told “Squeeze out all the stuff, like a squeegee.” Started on top of the head. Dirty, dark liquid stuff all over his body, pooled up nest at his feet.
He reached down and gathered up like a mud ball. His hands got dirty and stunk. “This is SICK!!” He felt awkward. Reach out and give it all to the Savior. He can’t TAKE sins from you. You have to GIVE.
Kirk didn’t want his own junk on the Savior. Kirk reached out, then Savior reached out with His hands underneath. “Let go of that stuff!!”
He thought as soon as the Savior would feel the weight, he would be so mad and thought to be a burden. But, the Savior smiled and was so happy that it had finally been let go. What’s he gonna do? Kirk had to reach out and let go.
“Watch this”—The Savior packed it into a ball and threw it into nothingness and stood there looking. “Do you have more?” The Savior is thankful that you believe in Him and the process of the atonement. It really is easy to let go of stuff. A feeling of relief and shock came.
“Why did I wait SO long to feel so good? I feel so much lighter.”
Savior gave a look of “good job”, respecting Him for what He went through. He has now become a professional repenter.
Don’t wait to repent. ASK to be taught—for your own experience. It’s not just sins, but all kinds of things—negative emotions, physical and mental ailments, etc.
Most people have no idea how to forgive themselves or others. They really feel in debt—like we owe the Savior too much to figure out how to pay Him back.
There are simple steps to warm up the mind.
LEVEL 1: Forgiveness is to pardon, let go of, release—things just eatin at you—hurt feelings/thoughts. Begin to release the pressure. Kirk had 40 years of resentment. Crying is a natural form of release. Is it weakness? No! Most don’t use it much because of the feeling of “falling apart”. Really THINK about you feel.
Some people say, “But, I don’t cry”. You either Explode or Implode. Beware of the ticking bomb that might come out on the people we love.
How to release? One way is to find songs/music. Make a list of music that emotionally affects you. Crying is a spiritual experience. It is a package deal—Emotion and Words.
The second way is Word release—confessing, saying how we feel. Admitting and unloading to another human may be a toxic transfer. How about talking to a tree?
Find a tree calling your name. Their roots go deep, the tree is grounded. Diffuse your conversation with no damage to the tree. Look at the tree and connect. It’s a way to express yourself to something living. Introduce yourself, ask permission. The Tree will become a symbol. Think of what do do next. It’s a way to start out gentle. If that seems too weird and you don’t want to get out of your car, then talk to the steering wheel. Give it a name if you want. If you don’t let it out, then it will be toxic. Pray for protection to be safe.
Is there anyone I need to ask for forgiveness? Kirk was told “get a pad of paper”. Hmmm, that many huh? Okay, there might be a few. The list starts—all the names and faces. Write it down. It might go clear back to grade school. Kirk got an image of a person in the drive through at Wendy’s who wished him a good day and he was cranky, making a judgment. All of these? You asked. It affects your results.
LEVEL 2: Be proactive. Search ahead. Look for relationships that are not in order. Start working on it. It may take weeks or months. The list already seems too long.
Kirk was shocked at even tiny things that affected another person. Judgment kicks up its head! Is your name on there? God or even Jesus Christ? Your mother? Father? One of Kirk’s memories that popped up was when he was ten. He had a fish that died while he was at church. He was upset and asked God to resurrect the fish. In that moment when the fish stayed dead, he got mad at God.
Forgiveness is the tool. ASK for it. Will you forgive me? That is humbling and balancing—admitting you are fleshy. You don’t wanna wait til you’re “over there” to repent. Be a professional repenter. Forgiveness comes from you. There is nothing you can hide. It will be exposed including in your body language. THOUGHTS—EMOTIONS—ACTIONS—RESULTS. Your results show if you’ve forgiven people or not. Nothing in your past can be held against you. You’ve taken the power away from the adversary. To feel strong, clean up inside.
Ask God if there is a need to talk to a clergy person. (Most of the time, this is not necessary.)
LEVEL 3: Next practice talking. After asking the person for forgiveness, then ask Heavenly Father to forgive you, then Jesus Christ. Imagine them nodding their heads. Also Holy Ghost.
The last person is yourself. “Will you forgive me?” “Yes, Kirk, I forgive you.” If you don’t forgive yourself, then who’s gonna fix that? Too many create a prison around the mind. Imagine yourself in front of a mirror if you have trouble imagining your spirit.
If you don’t forgive yourself, then you don’t believe in forgiveness. Finish the process. See yourself nodding.
Sometimes it is a whole group of people. Find a big field. Invite them all. See all the faces. One big mass asking. Express yourself and share your feelings. If you have attachments, they wear you down. LET GO OF THE PAST! (Repeated 5 times). WORDS MUST BE EXPRESSED.
References:
Conquering Spiritual Evil by Doug Mendenhall
Conquering Spiritual Evil 2 by Doug Mendenhall
I See, Arise by Doug Mendenhall
Podcasts 106 and 141 by Denver Snuffer.
Second Comforter by Denver Snuffer
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Captivating by Stasi Eldredge
Power of Forgiveness CD by Kirk Duncan
Keys of Jeshua by Glenda Green
"Spirituality--Tune Into Gratitude" Video by Dave Asprey
